September 28, 2012

Remember When...

Him and I have been married for eight years now.  We spent the first five years in the "married with no kids" demographic.  I remember those times.  We were basically married roommates.  He worked during the day six days a week and I worked nights at a bar four nights a week.  He'd come home at 5:30pm and I had to be to work by 6pm.  I'd come home at 4am and he had to be to work at 7am.  I literally had our house to myself most of the time!

I remember I would play LOUD music and dance about when I wanted to relax.  Now I can play long as the kids aren't asleep.  To relax now, I shut EVERYTHING off if the miracle of them both taking a nap at the same time happens or I find a moment that I can safely escape to the garage...not my front porch in the sun...I might have neighbor walk by and talk to me and that's not silence.  I now understand the saying, "Silence is golden." because I so rarely get to hear it.  And the constantly high noise level in my house is exhausting!

Being exhausted all the time is something I never used to feel.  I remember actually being able to sleep when I was tired.  I would take a nap in the middle of the day if I was tired.  Now, I can't go to sleep unless both kids are asleep and then it's a guarantee that one or the other will have a bad dream or need something or just plan decide 5am is a good time to want to play!  I never understood what tired really meant before I had children.

On the same note, I remember being able to eat when I was hungry.  I was hungry, there was food, I ate.  Simple right?  Not when you have one child yelling that she wants to go outside and the baby screaming cuz he's so tired but can't fall asleep cuz the first one won't stop yelling.  Now, I shovel what food I can in my mouth, barely chew and try to survive on coffee and Mountain Dew!

Speaking of coffee...I used to enjoy the taste of coffee.  I would sit there with a cup of coffee on my front porch enjoying the sunshine and it would slowly help me open my eyes to a beautiful day.  Now, I slug a cup of coffee down like a shot of whiskey because I won't get the chance to drink it while it's still hot if I don't and I don't like cold coffee.  A couple leisurely cup in the morning used to do me a world of good too.  Now I drink two pots, one in the morning and one around lunchtime, before switching to Mountain Dew.

When you drink that much you have to pee a lot.  I remember getting to go into the bathroom BY MYSELF!  Now, no matter what I'm doing in the bathroom, I have an audience!  If I'm peeing, Daughter claps for me and congratulates me for peeing on the potty.  If I'm taking a shower, Daughter comes in and watches and wants to play 20 questions about the shower itself, my body, shaving, etc.  I just want to take a shower without two little eyes poking around the shower curtain!  But I'm sure once Son can walk, it will be four.

Which leads into, I want to be able to take a shower where I don't just throw water and soap at myself and jump out!  I remember, I used to come home from work sometimes and take a half hour long shower just letting the hot water bash across my shoulders and take the stress away and then follow that up with an hour long bath just cuz it felt good.  Now I usually wait til both kids are asleep and I'm so tired I couldn't care less how good the hot water feels cuz I need to get sleep while I can.  OR I take one after Him gets home from work and before we have to give the kids a bath, feed them dinner and throw them in bed so it becomes rush through just making sure water touched my hair and I don't stink.

Rushing...that is a term that becomes known well when you become a parent too.  I used to be able to make last minute plans with friends and be there in a half hour, that included a shower.  Now, to get both kids and myself out the door in under an hour is a feat all on its own.  Argue with Daughter about what she's going to wear, get her changed just in time for her to announce she has to pee so half her outfit has to come back off.  Tell her that she's not bringing half her playroom with her and deal with the following tantrum.  Get Son fed.  Change his clothes cuz he spit up.  Change my clothes cuz he spit up on me.  Son falls asleep. I throw makeup at my face hoping to mask the bags under my eyes when I look down to see Daughter got into some blue eyeshadow and has it all over her white shirt.  Change Daughter's clothes.  Go to put Son in his car seat.  Son wakes up screaming cuz he has a wet diaper.  Change Son's diaper.  Put him back in the car seat.  Argue with Daughter about what shoes she's going to wear trying to explain why snow boots are not needed on an 80 degree day.  Cowboy boots it is.  Pack the diaper bag and run out the door to realize apparently while carrying Son to his car seat he spit up on my shoulder. Decide I don't care.  Because I'm so tired and frustrated, I rub my eyes, smearing mascara under them making those bags I tried to cover look worse than if I hadn't even bothered with makeup.  Then, after an hour, we'd be on time...if whatever we were doing was in our driveway!  And that's without a shower!

I'm not saying I would trade my life now for my life without kids cuz my kids really are a ton of fun and I can't imagine my life without them but some days, the idea that sooner or later they'll be able to function more independently and I will be able to take a shower without an audience is all that keeps me going...that and LOTS of caffeine!

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