Thanks For The Reminder

I've been so exhausted lately and having such a hard time accepting that my day to day life is really my day to day life.  Daughter has been pushing buttons and testing limits and driving me insane.  Son has been screaming randomly for long periods of time, I'm sure due to teething, and also not sleeping the greatest leaving me with little sleep and pushing me closer to that insanity ledge.  I've been on the verge of a complete breakdown dealing with every body else's individual issues and not having time to even think about my own.  No time to myself has left me with no soul recharging time.  I've been teetering on this fine line for a while now and never sure which way I need to lean to keep my balance.

Yesterday started out like too many days have lately.  Daughter was whining as soon as she woke up.  Son was screaming as soon as he woke up.  I was trying hard to figure out how to work the coffee maker as soon as I woke up.  The whining and screaming kept going and going and going until I was actually coming close to being able to tune it out.  You know how when you hear something constantly it just becomes background noise?  Yep!  Him had run the dishwasher the night before so I needed to unload it.  I needed to wash bottles for Son.  I needed to do a lot of laundry for the whole family.  I needed to fold the laundry I had washed the day before.  I had promised Daughter we could go on a walk.  And all I wanted was my bed!

I grudgingly headed to the kitchen to get started on all the things I needed to get done.  I set Son up in his exersaucer with a teething ring.  Daughter was happily playing in her playroom with a metal coffee can as a drum (did I mention my monstrous headache?).  I turned on the radio in the kitchen to a country station and started putting the dishes away and washing bottles.  Daughter came into the kitchen with a big metal bowl filled with all her bead necklaces.  She told me she was making me a cake.  Eyes half closed and shoulders sagging I muttered, "OK thanks honey..." and continued washing and putting away.  Son was behind me jumping in his exersaucer, squealing and giggling.  After a few more minutes of doing what needed to be done, I stopped and turned around.

In my kitchen was my beautiful and creative Daughter lovingly making me a pretend cake and my cute and fun Son chewing on a teething ring and jumping up and down in his exersaucer, squealing and giggling.  Right at that moment a song came on the radio...Phil Vassar's Just Another Day In Paradise.  If you haven't heard it, listen to it, great song.  It's all about how everything in the house is broken, you can't get a second to yourself, can't even have a date night, the kids climbing into bed after a bad dream and how he wouldn't trade it for anything.

I looked up at the sky and said, "Yep, you think you're funny don't ya?"  I looked back at my kids being cute as could be, looked back up at the sky with a smile and said, "Thanks for the reminder!"  I stopped doing what needed to be done and enjoyed the moment with my awesome children.

So, with Thanksgiving being tomorrow, I am thankful for my family (as I'm sure millions across America will be saying tomorrow).  What I'm really saying is I'm thankful for them even when they are pushing me over the crazy cliff and I feel like a coat that forces me to hug myself doesn't sound so bad.

I'm thankful that even though they're usually the ones to push me to the edge, they're usually the ones to pull me back too.

“While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.” 
— William Saroyan

Man Boobs And Sex Don't Mix

Him has tried repeatedly to get Son to fall asleep on his chest.  For whatever reason, Son is not a big fan of this.  Him has decided it is due to his lack of "pillows".

Before I relay this conversation you need to know that I have often told Him that he has to tell me if I get fat.  Fluffy is OK but I don't want to be 'lose a twinkie in my fat rolls' fat and have my husband tell me he still thinks I'm gorgeous.  I have also told Him that if I do ever get fat he better still love me to which he has always replies, "I'll still love you, I just won't grab your ass as often."

So now...conversation time!

Him is rocking Son and trying to get him to fall asleep as I am in the bathroom trying to get Daughter ready to leave the house.  Him says to Son, "I'm sorry I don't have nice pillows like your mama does but you're tired so just fall asleep." Loud whispering voice, "By the way...I think you're the only one that has a problem with me not having pillows."
I laugh and say, "I'm pretty sure if you did have pillows we wouldn't have to worry if Son liked pillows or not!"
Him, "I'm not saying like I'd be a woman...I'm saying man boobs."
Me, "Yeah, I know!  I wasn't thinking lesbianism stuff here babe, I was thinking if you had man boobs, Son would probably not exist."
Him's all defensive now! "OH SO WAIT A MINUTE!  I have to tell you if you get fat but I better still love you but if I get man boobs we're done?"
Me, "You tell me you wouldn't grab my ass as often, I'm sorry but I don't really want to play with boobs!  That's part of the reason we're together sweet stuff and I'm not with some chick...I like men."
Him, "I'd let you motorboat me!"
"OK and more of a reason you can't have man boobs!  I see it now, you'd wear V-necks just to show em off!" Hysterical laughter from me!
"I'm still back on the you wouldn't love me if I had man boobs..."
"I didn't say that.  I would still love you.  We just wouldn't be having sex therefore Son wouldn't exist and you wouldn't have to worry about whether or not he falls asleep against your chest.  We'd have a very loving, sexless relationship!  Instead of the soup nazi I'd be the sex nazi 'NO SEX FOR YOU!'"  Snorting laughter, (yes, I snort!) then I add, "Now all I can picture is the Will Ferrell scene at the end of Dodgeball with that Milkshake song!"
Him, "So, we'd have a loving yet sexless relationship, huh?"
I came out of the bathroom to look at Him as I said this with a huge mischievous grin, "Yeah, you're right...if we didn't have sex we'd be divorced!"  I duck back in the bathroom as Him smiles...

Now, I dare you to try this.  If you have a male significant other in your life that is rather fit, imagine him with man boobs singing the Milkshake song and making his man boobs dance about...now tell me you didn't snort your drink up into your nose!?!?  If you didn't...either you're not drinking or your imagination is not as fun as mine!  (If you have a female significant other you may imagine this scenario also but I highly doubt it turns out as funny...just sayin'!)

I Worry...

As a parent, I worry about my children.  I wonder what experiences my children will run into and whether or not they will be properly prepared.  Will I have been the mother that sheltered them too much and they are bewildered by real life or will they have been there, done that and be jaded way too early in life?  Will I have them prepared for the ugly things in the world or will they be completely taken by surprise by how mean this world can be?  Will they trust too much and be taken for fools repeatedly or believe the whole world is out to get them and hide themselves away in some cabin in the woods where they become off-the-grid hermits so as to never be hurt?  It's my guess that most parents worry about whether they are raising their children well or not and none of us will know until they are grown and it's really too late to go back and try again.  THAT'S SCARY!

This past summer Daughter walked away from my mom and me in a Kohl's department store.  I have never been so scared in my entire life.  We were close to one of the exits.  All I could think is she either walked right out the automatic doors and is wandering the parking lot by her little not-even-3-yet self or she's a beautiful little girl and there are some sick and wrong people in this world.  I was absolutely out of my mind, on the verge of tears but trying not to let fear win.  I NEEDED HER TO BE FOUND!  I was 7 months pregnant with Son and running about yelling her name, getting no response for about 2 minutes that felt like an hour.  Random people were asking me what Daughter looked like and where she was last.  I stopped and talked to an employee and she was asking about what Daughter was wearing and what she looked like.  We were in the middle of talking about locking down the store when I saw a flash of purple go streaking across an aisle...Daughter was wearing a purple sundress.  I left my cart with my mom's and my purses in it where it was cuz I would be OK with someone taking all my money and credit cards as long as I was the one walking out of the store with Daughter and took off sprinting.  Yep, SPRINTING at 7 months pregnant in a Kohl's department store wearing sandals.  As I rounded the corner, there was Daughter!  I grabbed her to me, melted to the floor, hugging her to the point she could barely breathe and started crying.  She started yelling, "Let me go!  Let me go!"  I did not!  She was not even slightly scared...she was having fun!  I can plainly state right now that if I hadn't been so deathly scared I would have beat Daughter's butt red in the middle of that store!  She got a little fear when she realized I was crying and asked, "What's wrong Mama?  Why are you crying?" 10 times over before I got the lump out of my throat enough to tell her I thought I had lost her forever.

After this heart attack inducing experience, Daughter and I had a long talk about "bad people".  I told her how there are bad people in this world and how they hurt little kids for fun.  I told her how one of these bad people could have taken her away and she would have NEVER seen her daddy or me again.  She kept asking why and I could only say because not everyone in this world is nice.  I told her some people can seem nice and then they would grab her and she'd be gone.  I told her that if someone ever grabbed her I wanted her kicking, scratching, biting and hitting with all her strength and screaming, "THIS IS NOT MY MOMMY!  HELP!" at the top of her lungs!  Recently Grandmama was joking with her and said she was going to steal Daughter away from me and Daughter said, "No you won't cuz I will bite, scratch and kick you and yell, 'HELP! THIS IS NOT MY MOMMY!'"  It was one of those 'WHOA!  She was actually listening' moments.  Now, that was with Grandmama and hopefully she won't alert the authorities if Grandmama grabs her in a store but hey, I'd be happier with that than if she didn't and something bad really happened.  Explaining away the fact that the lady was her Grandmama would be better than her happily walking out of a store with the 'nice' guy that offered her a puppy that she needed to come to his windowless van to get.  I worried that I went too far in my explanation and yet I needed her to understand.  This was the first of what I hope are many open and honest conversations with Daughter.

I know I can't keep my kids in a bubble, letting nothing ever happen to them but what about a netting bubble of sorts where most bad things stay away but enough small hurts make it past so they have just enough fear?  Not so everything is scary but so they know if you don't know how to swim don't jump in the water without a lifejacket kind of fear.  There are strangers that can become friends and there are strangers that talk to you about being mass murders that haven't acted on their rage yet in the grocery store that should be avoided at all costs kind of fear.  (Wanna hear that story now don't you?  I might need to make a separate page of "Adventures in Grocery Shopping" cuz apparently a lot of fun things happen when I'm getting groceries.  Ever had a security guard called for you and about you all in one shopping trip?  I HAVE!)

J, from my "Sanity Squad", recently had her son call her for a ride home after having too much to drink at a party. I was not only proud of her son for being smart enough to do that (I did tell her that I wouldn't be so proud if it had been her 4 year old son) but I am also hopeful that I will have that good of a relationship with my children that they know they could and should call me in any situation.

I want my kids to ask me about drinking and drugs and sex.  Yep, I really do!  I want to be that mom who is totally open with my children, that mom whose kids ask all the awkward questions, that mom who is cool enough to explain all the experiences I have had without judging my kids as to why they're asking.  I want to be the mom who is cool enough but is not their friend.  I don't want to go drinking with my kids but I want them to know that if they are out drinking and all their friends are too drunk to drive, even if it's 3am, they can call me and I'll drag my tired and half asleep butt out of bed, drive to wherever they are and thank them for being smart enough to call right after explaining how they should have had a DD.

I fully expect my children to be hurt by this world, it's part of growing up unfortunately but I truly and fully hope that when they are hurt they come to me for hugs and advice, stand themselves back up and go on living with just a little more knowledge.  I want my children to be protected so badly as a mother and I'm scared to death about what this world will throw at them.  I guess I have to sit back and hope that I can protect them a little and teach them a lot so they know they can always come to mom but they have the resources to make the right decision themselves.

It's scary being a parent!  It shouldn't be scary to be a kid.

Bursting Daughter's Balloon

Son is teething so my normally sweet, go-with-the-flow baby boy is ticked at the world.  He isn't sleeping very well which doesn't help and eating is apparently hurting him so food is being turned down until he's so starving he screams like banshee and even then he just takes down what little bit makes his stomach stop trying to swallow itself.  This combo leads to grumpy Son.

I'm not sure what Daughter has going on but I think it's a little cabin feverish.  Yucky cloudy skies, cool temperatures and Daughter thinking that she has to be barefoot to be outside have not lent themselves to the idea of ruckus outdoor fun.  Also, she's in that 'I can do everything myself even though I can't really quite do everything myself' phase so I hear her doing something and then all of a sudden whiny high-pitched frustrated screaming to which I ask "Do you need help?" and get the loving reply, "NO! I don't need you!"  In other words, grumpy Daughter.

And then there's me.  Son's waking up at least twice a night and not going straight back to sleep so 4 to 5 hours of sleep in two naps per night is what I've been averaging.  Daughter's crazy whining about every little thing from not wanting to have breakfast to not wanting to go to bed and the entire day between means I'm having to argue my entire day away.  Daughter has started taking showers with me so I don't even get those 5 minutes of throwing hot water at myself to myself anymore and HOT water is out of the question with her in there with me.  I've been having 'monster beating a bass drum' headaches starting around noon about every other day lately.  And I seem to be suffering from a slight cabin fever of my own.  Add that all up and grumpy Mama.

Yesterday was a day of yelling, not listening, thinking food was not needed as well as sleep and a total 'I can do whatever I want' attitude...on everyone's part...I include myself in that statement.  Add in Him who was far to chipper and far to removed from the anarchical-ness of our day and the following meltdown was inevitable!

So last night Daughter was refusing to eat her dinner of exactly what she asked for and instead kept walking away from the table to play with a pink balloon.  Son was screaming tired and wanted to be cuddled but since I was spending all my time picking Daughter up to slap her back into the chair he wasn't being cuddled and was very verbal about his dismay.  Him was on the computer trying to figure out how to download a video I had asked him to and was somewhat oblivious to how close the black scary clouds were.  Daughter's balloon chasing antics finally led to her not paying attention to where she was going while not listening to me asking her repeatedly to sit down and eat.  She bashed into the table leg, spilled her full glass of milk all over the table, chair and floor and knocked her entire meal off the table to the floor braking the plate.  Zippy, our dog, quickly came to clean up the mess.  I had to shoo him away so he didn't cut his tongue wide open on the jagged shards of plate. (Storm clouds are straight overhead now.)  I grabbed the balloon and told Daughter, "You can have your balloon back when you finish your food!"  She threw herself on the floor and started screaming, "I guess I never get to play with my balloon again!"  Son was in the background trying to win the screaming contest.  Zippy is whining at me wondering why he didn't get the floor food.  (And bring on the thunder, lightning, and possibly a tornado in there somewhere.)  I took said balloon, stretched the latex where said balloon was knotted and bit it!  I let all the air out of said balloon, threw said balloon on the floor at Daughter's feet and screamed, "There! You have your freakin' balloon back! HAPPY?"   I stormed out to the garage and just sat there for about five minutes of deep breathing.  Not something for the highlight reel of "Good Mothering Moments" but...it FELT good!  STUPID BALLOON!  I SHOWED YOU!  Shortly there after both kids went to bed and even though it was dark outside my sunshine came back in the form of a nice cold beer!  CHEERS!

She is right...ish...

Him came home from the grocery store Friday with a new movie for Daughter.  It was "The Toy That Saved Christmas" Veggie Tales Movie.  Veggie Tales is a tradition now at our house since when Daughter was very young. Him gave her his copy of "Silly Songs" long ago.  It was on VHS cuz he had it since before DVD's were the only thing available.  Daughter watched it so much the tape literally broke.

Now she has several Veggie Tales movies on DVD and it's one of those things that I don't mind watching with her. They are humorous and they teach some good lessons.  In "The Toy That Saved Christmas" the lesson is that Christmas is about GIVING not whining about all the gifts you want to RECEIVE on Christmas morning.

Saturday night Grandma came over for dinner and brought with her an American Girl Doll catalog.  (Don't worry...I didn't just jump ship on the Veggie Tales idea...they come together later...no senile break yet!)  Grandma has given a couple of these catalogs to Daughter and she knows exactly which one she wants and exactly ALL the accessories she needs.  There's even one with blonde hair and brown eyes just like Daughter, which is not a normal doll combo let me tell ya!

Conversation Sunday morning:
"Daddy this is the dolly I really want!"
"Oh really?"
"Yeah I think I'll tell Santa that's what I want for Christmas!"
"Do you remember what the Veggie Tales said about Christmas?"
Blank look from Daughter...
"Remember they said that Christmas is about giving not about whining about all the things you want..."
Thoughtful look from Daughter...
"Yeah so maybe Santa will GIVE me that dolly!"

So yes, Christmas is about giving...what are YOU giving ME?

Listless Wonderings

Daughter and Son technically have three sets of Grandparents.  They have my mom, my father and stepmom and Him's mom and dad.

With Christmas coming around the corner my stepmom called and asked about what Daughter and Son would like for Christmas.  She's that lady that shops early and doesn't do the last minute mad dash to the store and wind up with something no kid wants.  I told her I would have Daughter come up with a wish list.

Now we have this long list of things Daughter named off as things she "NEEEEEEEDS".  First, my editing came in and I took out all toys that make annoying noises that become the soundtrack for wherever my child is in our house until ultimately some wonderful little elf invades our home and steals batteries out of toys in the middle of the night.  I may have left the door open for the elf or lured the elf in or actually been the elf but we're not telling that to Daughter!  Then, editing to eliminate all toys that take up 20 square feet of floor space that we don't have to give to ONE toy.

Then comes the thought process of whether or not I can send this to ALL the grandparents?  Would they take offense?  Do they think they already have the "perfect" gift idea?  Is their "perfect" gift idea one of the dreaded toys I already eliminated from the list?  Can I tell them what NOT to buy?

Then I started thinking that maybe I could make a guideline list like if you get a toy that makes noise please get one that has volume control...if you get a huge toy please make sure it is something that can be outside or easily taken down and put up on a whim.  Maybe I should just tell them all that books are good, especially since Daughter LOVES reading and not going to the library is punishment to her.  Maybe I could ask for gift cards but kids aren't really thrilled by gift cards at Christmas.  How about clothes?  I've never seen a child absolutely light up at getting clothes for Christmas especially not from their Grandparents that normally spoil them.  

I know we all want our children to be happy but should it really cost us parents our sanity?

My sister gets to be the one that can give Daughter and Son all the most annoying toys she wants to cuz I was THAT Aunt.  I found the toy that made the most annoying noises at the loudest volume known to man and that was what I bought for my nephews for any and all gift giving time until they got old enough that all they wanted was money...then I had kids and well, you know what they say about payback.  Other than her though I wish people would think before they bought kids toys.  Think about how annoying it would become if you heard this toy all day every day until you took the batteries out just to keep you from throwing it against the wall, ripping the stuffing out with a knife and running over it with your vehicle just to make the bad noises stop!  Think about how much you would like it if this thing sat in the middle of your house for you to try to dodge 20 times every day before you accidentally stub your toe into it falling face first into your coffee table and yelling words you try so hard to never say in front of your children at the top of your lungs!  Those are the toys all parents wish their children never got and it seems to be loving caring and well meaning family members that give these toys every time.

Maybe the guideline should be if you can live with my child bringing this toy every time they visit with an endless supply of batteries then you can gift it cuz there's a possibility that if you give it, it may end up "accidentally" being left at your house and every time we come over I'll replace the batteries and (cough, cough) forget it again.  Every time a child visits you will remember the new toy gift giving rules!  BAHAHAHA!

Purple Glasses

I do not claim to be a political person because...I'm not.  I voted, yes, because it is a right that I have been given by this wonderful country.  I thank God for the men and women throughout the history of this country that have fought to give me this right.  Yet, if you voted differently than I did, I will not hold that against you.  If we were friends before your ballot was counted, we're friends now.  All of this being said, I'm so disappointed in the nation as a whole.

I have found the bashing and name calling and complaining and threats all over social media to be plain disgusting.  I remember the title "President" used to come with a lot of respect no matter what.  I think there will never be anything good to come of a nation that is so divided and it didn't matter who won, there would be bashers and name calling and complaining and threats if the vote had gone the other way.  I recently read a blog post about a purple nation.  Get it?  Red and blue, democrats and republicans come together...come on people grade school stuff...blue and red make?  PURPLE!  As long as people can't get over which side of some imaginary line they stand on, our nation will have issues.

Now dredging through all the political blah on my newsfeed on Facebook was just another day of ignoring a lot of people's rants that I've been doing for far too many months but a few that happened to catch my eye yesterday actually upset me.  I'm not often upset by people's beliefs because well, I believe everyone has the right to their own beliefs...another thing that makes this country great. However, several attacked the "people sitting on their butts collecting handouts".

Now to a certain extent I agree.  I knew women that were collecting unemployment, child support, WIC, any and every assistance the government gives and they worked at the bar for their fun money.  These women had EVERYTHING paid for so the money they made working went to their shopping sprees.  Those women piss me off because they are abusing a system that was put into place to help people that really are in need.  I have no issues however with helping people that are actually in need and have tried everything before turning to the government for help.

My sister happens to be disabled, diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and some other things that go hand in hand with that diagnosis.  At the time she was diagnosed people were on the fence as to whether or not this was a real disease and I even know some people still question whether or not it is.  Here's what I can tell you...my sister used to be a mile-a-minute, 24/7 whirlwind of energy beyond any person I ever knew.  She was working full-time, raising two kids and was in school taking 18 credits, getting straight A's.  Out of no where she didn't have the energy, she was hurting all over, she had days where her body hurt so much that clothes weren't an option.  Clothes literally felt like they were ripping her skin off.

Even after being diagnosed, she fought.  She didn't want to be labeled disabled.  She tried to continue life as normal, tried to muster the energy to do as she had always done.  She pushed herself so hard to be the person she has always been that she actually got worse and put herself into a position where she had no options.  She is now a stay-at-home mom labeled as disabled and still has days where she fights just to get out of bed...not because she's lazy, not because she doesn't want to work, not because she gave up...because she hurts that badly all the time that a good day for her, a day where she can get out of bed, is like a day you would call in sick to work and stay in bed all day whining.  Damn right, she's disabled...and she hates it.

When those out there that wish we could get rid of all the "handouts" speak...I think of my sister and a few friends I have that aren't abusing the system...people that wish like hell they could go to work every morning.  I wish there were more honest people and fewer people that abuse what was put into place to help those that actually need it.

I also think, man, I hope for all of you that want government assistance to be done away with that you never fall upon hard times or get diagnosed with a truly debilitating disease and have to rely on the system that you want torn down.  I was taught the rule of "be careful what you wish for cuz you just might get it."  If this nation stops helping those in need, I have a funny feeling you would all be bitching about that too.  For those of you working your happy job...are you thankful for that college loan our terrible government gave you?  For those of you that are retired...do you cash your social security check?  For those that were laid off...did you file for unemployment?  For all the rest...do you know for a fact nothing bad will ever happen to you where you may need a little helping hand?

I don't think any change in government will ever rid the world of deceitful, dishonest people.  Creating a government that refuses to help those in need and leaves these people to suffer is not the answer either.  I don't claim to have the answer but I do know those programs were put in place for those who truly are in need and it's just too bad that there are people out there that would cheat the system or look for some loophole.  I also think that some people really wish they could work for a living and be those "productive members of society" but their options were taken away.

I guess to sum it all up, red or blue, democrat or republican, people are people and they will disappoint us almost every day.  Stop looking at the bad people in the world, celebrate the good.  Look at the world through purple glasses!

Also, Daughter is in the next room watching Disney's Robin Hood...he robbed from the rich to give to the poor and I don't know many people that call Robin Hood a socialist.  Two cents!