September 29, 2012


Yep, some dad's are actually staying home with the kids now because they are married to women that never wanted to be stay-at-home-moms or they wanted to keep the high powered job they already had or for whatever reason, the moms are bringing home the bacon and the dads are staying home.  Stay-at-home-dad's are a growing breed.

I was at a mom's group Friday.  (I KNOW, it freaks me out that I'm a member of a mommy group too, but these chicks are pretty cool.)  One of the mom's brought up a friend of her's that is a stay-at-home-dad and he was talking about how women don't seem to want him at mommy groups.  It got me thinking...why?

This dad is going through all the same stuff as the moms.  I mean, yeah, OK, he didn't carry the baby for nine months or give birth or breastfeed the baby but so what?  So, by that measure the mom that chooses not to breastfeed, or for some reason can't, isn't allowed at a mommy group?  How about the woman that had a surrogate or adopted?  She didn't carry the baby, give birth or breastfeed the baby either.  That chick is blacklisted!  But she's not...cuz she's a mom?

So mom groups are discriminating against dads because they have the wrong equipment between their legs it seems.  I say between their legs cuz I know there are moms without boobs and dads with boobs...just saying!

Does this guy have it better cuz he's a man?  NO!  He might even have it harder cuz there is a stigma about the stay-at-home-dad.  They supposedly should feel emasculated due to their effeminate role.  Shouldn't us stay-at-home-moms take offense to that?  I feel that it takes a lot of physical, mental and emotional strength just to make it through the day as a stay-at-home-mom cuz you're on call 24/7.  Do you think the dad gets to punch out at 5pm just cuz he's a dad?  I'll even admit, I feel a little more uncomfortable when I take Daughter and Son to the park and see a guy there with kids.  (Even more so if he doesn't have kids though...that guy's creepy!)  I can't even explain it but I'm more willing to talk to the other moms then the dad.  The dad with his kids throwing tantrums in the grocery store gets a lot less sympathetic looks from older women too cuz they don't comprehend the idea of a stay-at-home-dad.  Somehow, in the realm of child care, we're stuck in the 50's and the men work and the women take care of the kids.

Him has freely admitted he would gladly stay home with the kids if I wanted to go out and get a job that paid well. Here's the truth personality doesn't seem to fit with those jobs.  It seems I question authority and can't start at the bottom cuz I make a TERRIBLE employee.  So our house will stay in the stay-at-home-mom realm til I take anger management classes and learn to accept leadership even from morons! :)

The stay-at-home-dad has to get up with the kids, get them dressed, get them breakfast, deal with the tantrums, try to survive the grocery store, take the kids to the library or the park, carry the diaper bag, push the stroller, change the diaper...just like us moms.  He has to do it all with people looking at him wondering where the kids' mom is and wondering if he's a stay-at-home-dad if it's because he's not good enough at anything to make more money than his wife is or if he was hen-pecked into this role.

Sure, the dad probably wants a cold beer at the end of a particularly hard day with the kids when most moms would say they prefer wine but I would rather have a beer or some whiskey or the rocks so I won't discriminate against him there.

I say let the dads into the mommy groups!  If he starts trying to breastfeed his baby while there, have reason for concern!

September 28, 2012

Remember When...

Him and I have been married for eight years now.  We spent the first five years in the "married with no kids" demographic.  I remember those times.  We were basically married roommates.  He worked during the day six days a week and I worked nights at a bar four nights a week.  He'd come home at 5:30pm and I had to be to work by 6pm.  I'd come home at 4am and he had to be to work at 7am.  I literally had our house to myself most of the time!

I remember I would play LOUD music and dance about when I wanted to relax.  Now I can play long as the kids aren't asleep.  To relax now, I shut EVERYTHING off if the miracle of them both taking a nap at the same time happens or I find a moment that I can safely escape to the garage...not my front porch in the sun...I might have neighbor walk by and talk to me and that's not silence.  I now understand the saying, "Silence is golden." because I so rarely get to hear it.  And the constantly high noise level in my house is exhausting!

Being exhausted all the time is something I never used to feel.  I remember actually being able to sleep when I was tired.  I would take a nap in the middle of the day if I was tired.  Now, I can't go to sleep unless both kids are asleep and then it's a guarantee that one or the other will have a bad dream or need something or just plan decide 5am is a good time to want to play!  I never understood what tired really meant before I had children.

On the same note, I remember being able to eat when I was hungry.  I was hungry, there was food, I ate.  Simple right?  Not when you have one child yelling that she wants to go outside and the baby screaming cuz he's so tired but can't fall asleep cuz the first one won't stop yelling.  Now, I shovel what food I can in my mouth, barely chew and try to survive on coffee and Mountain Dew!

Speaking of coffee...I used to enjoy the taste of coffee.  I would sit there with a cup of coffee on my front porch enjoying the sunshine and it would slowly help me open my eyes to a beautiful day.  Now, I slug a cup of coffee down like a shot of whiskey because I won't get the chance to drink it while it's still hot if I don't and I don't like cold coffee.  A couple leisurely cup in the morning used to do me a world of good too.  Now I drink two pots, one in the morning and one around lunchtime, before switching to Mountain Dew.

When you drink that much you have to pee a lot.  I remember getting to go into the bathroom BY MYSELF!  Now, no matter what I'm doing in the bathroom, I have an audience!  If I'm peeing, Daughter claps for me and congratulates me for peeing on the potty.  If I'm taking a shower, Daughter comes in and watches and wants to play 20 questions about the shower itself, my body, shaving, etc.  I just want to take a shower without two little eyes poking around the shower curtain!  But I'm sure once Son can walk, it will be four.

Which leads into, I want to be able to take a shower where I don't just throw water and soap at myself and jump out!  I remember, I used to come home from work sometimes and take a half hour long shower just letting the hot water bash across my shoulders and take the stress away and then follow that up with an hour long bath just cuz it felt good.  Now I usually wait til both kids are asleep and I'm so tired I couldn't care less how good the hot water feels cuz I need to get sleep while I can.  OR I take one after Him gets home from work and before we have to give the kids a bath, feed them dinner and throw them in bed so it becomes rush through just making sure water touched my hair and I don't stink.

Rushing...that is a term that becomes known well when you become a parent too.  I used to be able to make last minute plans with friends and be there in a half hour, that included a shower.  Now, to get both kids and myself out the door in under an hour is a feat all on its own.  Argue with Daughter about what she's going to wear, get her changed just in time for her to announce she has to pee so half her outfit has to come back off.  Tell her that she's not bringing half her playroom with her and deal with the following tantrum.  Get Son fed.  Change his clothes cuz he spit up.  Change my clothes cuz he spit up on me.  Son falls asleep. I throw makeup at my face hoping to mask the bags under my eyes when I look down to see Daughter got into some blue eyeshadow and has it all over her white shirt.  Change Daughter's clothes.  Go to put Son in his car seat.  Son wakes up screaming cuz he has a wet diaper.  Change Son's diaper.  Put him back in the car seat.  Argue with Daughter about what shoes she's going to wear trying to explain why snow boots are not needed on an 80 degree day.  Cowboy boots it is.  Pack the diaper bag and run out the door to realize apparently while carrying Son to his car seat he spit up on my shoulder. Decide I don't care.  Because I'm so tired and frustrated, I rub my eyes, smearing mascara under them making those bags I tried to cover look worse than if I hadn't even bothered with makeup.  Then, after an hour, we'd be on time...if whatever we were doing was in our driveway!  And that's without a shower!

I'm not saying I would trade my life now for my life without kids cuz my kids really are a ton of fun and I can't imagine my life without them but some days, the idea that sooner or later they'll be able to function more independently and I will be able to take a shower without an audience is all that keeps me going...that and LOTS of caffeine!

September 27, 2012

Dumb It Down A Little!

Sometimes I really do think it would be easier to raise a stupid child.

Some days I want one of those kids that zones out on the T.V. and you never have to answer questions cuz there isn't a single one in that kid's head.  The kid that doesn't even learn to talk til they're about three and a half and can't count past 10 til they're 5. The kid that doesn't look at getting new books as if it's the greatest, coolest gift EVER.

Sure, I am glad we have a highly intelligent little girl but I worry sometimes that she's going to be smarter than me in a matter of a few years.  What worries me the most is the fact that she might ask me questions at 5 that I have to Google to be able to answer and the amount of money we might have to pay some tutor when she's taking classes in high school that I couldn't even get into in college!

Daughter is smart.

She's three and uses words that should SO not be in a three year old's vocabulary.  When she was about two and a half, Him was playing with the dog, they were making a ton of noise and Daughter comes out of her playroom and says, "I came in here to see what all the commotion was about?  What's the ruckus?" When she does run across a word she doesn't know she instantly asks what it means.

One day a couple months ago I gave Daughter some blueberries for a snack.  She sat there counted them out, there were 30 and then as she ate them she was saying, "30 take one away, 29.  29, take one away..."  (Yeah, I just started singing 'take one down, pass it around, 29 bottles of beer on the wall''re not alone!).  I explain to her that that was subtraction and she says, "OK, so 30 subtract 14 is 16."   Why yes, yes it is!

She is CONSTANTLY asking questions and not just the normal toddler, "Why?"  No, Daughter says, "When I jump on the floor it doesn't bounce like when I jump on the that because it's made of different stuff?  Like because the bed is softer? So, it's springier?"  HUH?

You can't just sit her in front of the T.V. either because that just leads to more questions.  "So, on George today, they went to the mountains.  Can we go to those mountains?  I mean, not THOSE mountains cuz that's a cartoon but the real ones?  And when they went up there...there was snow on the ground...but why is there snow on the mountains when it's nice at the bottom of the mountain?"  Seriously, I already have to really THINK when she asks questions!?!?

Daughter twists what you said yesterday to fit what she wants to do today.  "But yesterday you told me that I could stay up later cuz I needed a bath.  Well, tonight I need a bath too cuz I got dirty in my sandbox." "I didn't have to pick up my playroom yesterday cuz it was too late so you said you would do it and I'm really tired so I think I should go to bed and you can pick up my playroom."  Manipulative little so and so!

And this is only 3 years in!?!?

I don't actually want her to dumb it down, I'm amazed by her smart butt all the time, but I do wonder quite often where it came from!

September 26, 2012

Thanks Mom!

I remember my mom yelling at me when I was younger.  She was always saying, "Why don't you listen to me when I tell you not to (insert whatever dumb activity I was doing at that time), you're going to hurt yourself!" "Why can't you watch your sister and your brother, when they did (that annoyingly dumb thing they did), they got hurt and yet, you follow right along behind them and do (that annoyingly dumb thing my sister and brother just did)!  Can't you learn from them?" and finally, out of sheer frustration, "Fine!  Go do (that stupid gonna-get-you-hurt thing) but don't come crying to me when you hurt yourself!"  I also remember her saying, "I hope you have a daughter just like you someday!"

Today, Daughter was running on the couch.  I say about twelve times, "Don't run around on the couch, you're gonna fall off and bash your head on the coffee table!"  Daughter pays no attention whatsoever and continues running back and forth across the couch.  I ask, "Are you going to listen to me and stop?  Cuz you are going to hurt yourself!"  This is then followed by the retelling of a story of her friend that fell off his couch, hit his head on a toy on the floor and had to go to the hospital for stitches.  The story was followed by, "Can't you learn something from that?  Or do you think he got hurt but you won't?"  Daughter replies with, "I'm not gonna get hurt cuz I won't fall off!"  I hear my mom's voice coming out of my mouth, "Fine!  Go ahead and run around on the couch but when you fall off and split your head open, don't come crying to me!"

Sure enough, about five minutes later, Daughter falls off the couch, hits her head on the lamp next to the couch and starts wailing.  I, just like my mom used to do, grab her and hug her to me, stroke her hair, ask if she's OK and kiss her head.  The whole time, as I suspect my mom used to do, laughing behind her back cuz now that I know she's OK, it was kinda funny!

Daughter says she's done with running on the couch now.  We'll see if she remembers that tomorrow!

So, thanks Mom for yelling at me, trying to teach me, still letting me fall and being there to pick me up when I did.  Also, thanks for the curse and blessing of a daughter just like me.

I have a feeling, someday down the line, I'll be telling my daughter I hope she has a daughter just like her.


September 25, 2012

Did That Just Happen?

I decided it was time to take Son to the doctor cuz Daughter and I have both recovered more or less from this sickness that invaded my home and yet Son doesn't seem able to kick it.

He's been coughing and having trouble sleeping and has been more to the doctor we go.

I always hate the doctor's waiting area cuz there you are listening to all these other people hacking and sneezing and only about half of them are covering their mouths.  You can almost SEE the germ clouds spewing from their mouths every time.  Yes, some people are there for routine check-ups and yet, they might be leaving with the cold that the guy next to them came in with.  I'm really not a big germaphobe but at a doctor's office it seems to enter my mind much more.

We check-in and sit down, Son in his car seat.  There are several other mother's there with their sick children so snotty noses are everywhere.

And then comes the echo of, "Baby! Baby! Baby!"  ALL the little girls just saw the baby...A.K.A. my son.  What do almost all little girls love more than anything in the world? BABIES!  And they always want to come over and look at the baby and they touch the baby and they want to kiss the baby.

I hear a little girl ask her mom, "Mama, can I go see the baby? <HACK>?"
The mother, never looking up from her magazine, "Sure honey."

This little girl turns around and snot is running down her face into her mouth, I had already heard the hacking cough.  It was like that slow motion moment in the movies where they play the pounding footsteps of the impending danger.  In my head I hear the suspenseful music and I hear my inner voice screaming, "NOOOOOOO!"

And this little girl sneezed right in Son's face!  Did this really just happen? Yes, that was what I needed!  Come in to the doctor's office to figure out how to get him over the cold he has only to have him get this little girl's cold...yes, this was my dream!

I was sympathetic when I then looked at this little girl's mom who looked horrified and I realized not only does she have an incredibly sick daughter but, judging by her rudolph-nose and red eyes, she was sick too and wasn't getting to take a sick day or getting any sleep.  I'll feel bad for her as long as Son doesn't get her daughter's cold!

September 24, 2012

Dear Bored Person...

Dear Bored Person that decided to report my profile picture on Google as offensive:

Google has since reviewed it and OK'ed it, which does not surprise me since I found it on Google images.  I just want to say, I REALLY hope you are keeping up with my blog and are reading this.

I feel we got off on the wrong foot with you being so upset by the DRAWING of a fifties housewife that is less revealing than that of any picture of a celebrity, A REAL LIVE PERSON, in their micro bikinis on the cover of any magazine viewable at any grocery store checkout.  I thought we should talk about your definition of offensive and figure out why you are either A.) terribly repressed or B.) incredibly bored.

Seriously, this is a DRAWING of a woman in a bra with a bathrobe covering most of the rest of her, thigh highs and a pair of high heels!  She's almost covered head to toe.  If you're Amish then what are you doing on the internet and if you're not...explain to me the issue?!?!  Are you a repressed housewife whose husband wishes you would dress like that when he comes home?  If so, I suggest you go get a trench coat, some lingerie and some serious CFM knee high boots with major stiletto action and meet him at your front door.  Maybe then you will be a little more relaxed!

And if you're so incredibly bored with your real life that you troll the internet for things to be offended by...first off, I know you can find a lot more offensive things than my profile pic and second, step away from the computer, go outside, don't worry...that big shiny thing in the sky is the sun, it's supposed to be there...and find out that the things on your computer aren't what people are talking about when they tell you to "GET A LIFE!"

Seriously offended by your delicate sensibilities,
Ann Onimous

Lesson of the Day

Back in my college days some friends and I used to do what we called "Stares and Glares" days.  We would put on the most outrageous, revealing or ridiculous get-up we could find and go do mundane things like walk about the mall just to see the looks we got from people.  It was entertaining to see people stare or glare at us.  It made us giggle to see reactions from people pointing, staring, dropping their jaws.  The guy that actually snapped a picture will live forever in my mind!

Nowadays though, as a mom, I have a different take on "Stares and Glares" days.

I'm really not one of those people that looks in the mirror twenty times before walking out the door.  Nor do I lay out my children's outfits the night before according to what we have scheduled for the next day, due in large part to the fact that our lives aren't scheduled and the fact that Daughter has her own sense of style already and usually picks her own outfits and helps me pick out Son's outfits too, so sometimes we step out the door without thinking about what other people may think.

Before I go too far, I must explain I live in a VERY conservative area.  I mean, LITERALLY, there are two churches I could throw a rock at from my front door, five more that I could walk to without breaking a sweat and several people still adhere to the "no work on Sundays" idea.  OK, that being said, we went to the library the other day.  I walked out the door in a Miller Lite "I'd Tap That" T-shirt and a Jack Daniels hat from my bartending days carrying a skull and crossbones denim diaper bag.  Daughter was wearing a pair of jean shorts with skull and crossbones leg warmers and a Breast Cancer Awareness shirt that says, "Find a cure before I grow boobs."  Son had on a "hear no, see no, speak no evil" sock monkey onesie with skull and crossbones baby boy leg warmers.  I thought nothing about our outfits.

We walk into the library and the first woman behind the counter looks at us head down, over her glasses, pursed lips, disapproving.  An older woman that was there with her grandchildren literally steered her granddaughter away from my daughter when my daughter said hi to her.  I said hi to another mother when I realized she was staring at me and she quickly looked back down at her book.

All of a sudden it hits me and I look at our outfits...and I decide I couldn't care less about what these people think of me!  And this could be a fun and teachable moment all at once.

I crouched down in front of Daughter and in a little overly loud voice, said, "Honey, the reason that Grandma didn't want you playing with her granddaughter is because she's judging us by our clothes.  You know how I always tell you to never judge a book by its cover?" Nodding.  "Well, all these people are looking at our clothes and automatically passing judgment on us.  It doesn't feel too good does it?"  Shaking of her head.  "Yeah, it's sad when adults haven't learned lessons they should have learned as children but I love your sense of style and I know you're an amazing little girl so don't let these adults that are behaving poorly change a thing about what you think about yourself!  Let's go find you some books babe."  We walked to the children's books section and had a great time.  I highly enjoyed the shamed looks on a lot of the adults' faces and I also got to reinforce a lesson with Daughter.  You couldn't have knocked the smile off my face with a Louisville Slugger at that point!

I don't think any of those adults enjoyed their lesson of the day!

September 22, 2012

50's Sitcom Mom...

I was on the phone with a mom friend recently when Daughter decided to pull out a whole bag of "I know I'm not supposed to be doing this" tricks.  I say, "Hold on a sec."  I hold my phone down by my side and scream, "What do you think you're doing?  Do you think I can't see you just because I'm on the phone?  Stop it RIGHT NOW!"  I put the phone back to my ear and  say, "Sorry about that."  She replies with, "I try not to raise my voice with my children."  I politely told her I needed to let her go cuz Daughter was trying to see how many things she could try to get away with while she thought I wasn't paying attention.

I was polite on the phone but what actually went through my head was, yeah, I TRY to not raise my voice to my children either but sometimes it's just called for.

I got the chance to think about it later and kinda giggled cuz now I remembered this friend could be categorized as my "50's sitcom housewife" friend.

She is that mom that always looks like she could walk out the door and into a cocktail party without changing a thing other than taking off her apron.  And yes, she does wear an apron while cooking and cleaning.  Her house is always clean, like "white glove test" clean.  There isn't even clutter!  How do you live with two children and a husband and have NO CLUTTER?!?  She has that "I'm thinking happy thoughts" smile plastered on her face all the time that only too many pills can give you.  Dinner is ALWAYS on the table as soon as her husband walks through the door.  And speaking of her husband...he can come and go as he pleases.  If he comes home late from work, he doesn't call and explain.  He took a vacation to go with fishing with his buddies and she didn't know about it until he started packing!

Him knows that if he tried to pull that, he should just not come home.  Either the locks would be changed or I'd be on the porch with a gun and a bottle of tequila asking him, "Do you feel lucky?"

Anyway, back the original subject of her not yelling at her children.  This is the scenario I imagine.  I know that her kids' playroom is in the basement so I'm pretty sure they are banished to the basement most of the day and only allowed on the main floor if it's time to feed them and she probably stays on the main floor cooking and cleaning with a wine bottle tucked in one pocket of her apron and her "happy" pills in the other pocket.  This is the scenario I imagine because if you spend time with your kids at all, they are bound to do something that just irritates the crap out of you and after they do it three more times and turn to you and say, "I just did what you told me not to do!" would have to be drunk and high to NOT raise your voice!  But I guess banishing your children to the basement would work too cuz then you just never even see the trouble they're getting into and you can live a happy life believing that they are perfect angels.

Maybe I should stop paying attention to my children too so I can stop yelling and getting headaches and I too can have a "I'm ignorant to the fact that my life isn't perfect because I swallow my emotions with the same shot of bourbon that I  wash my Prozac down with" smile on my face all the time!

September 20, 2012

A "Glowing" Smile!

I got to learn something new today! YAY for learning!  BOO for why!

Grandmama, my mom, had Daughter and Son overnight this past Saturday and Grandmama had given Daughter a glow stick.  She has repeatedly put it in her mouth and been told repeatedly not to cuz she's gonna choke herself.  You'll need to know that to understand the following.

Daughter and I are snuggling on the couch, watching The Lion King.  Daughter has said glow stick and is playing with it like a wand.  Son wakes up upstairs. I hear him over the monitor and go to get him leaving Daughter on the couch peacefully watching the movie.  I come downstairs with Son and head to the kitchen when Daughter runs up to me shrieking, "It tastes bad!  It tastes bad!"  I ask her, "What tastes bad?  Did you put the glow stick in your mouth again?"  Daughter nods, now drooling for some reason.  "Yeah, two times and it tastes bad!"  I ask, "And did you choke and hurt your throat?"  The reply, "No Mama, I drank it!"  My turn to shriek, "WHAT?"  "I bit it two times and some came out in my mouth!"

Sorry'll have to wait a sec!

I get on the phone with Grandmama.  She's a nurse, I figure she'll know what to do.  She gets on the computer and searches the Poison Control Center website and finds out, the fluid is low in toxicity...Good!  We wipe her mouth out and she drinks two glasses of water...exactly like the website says...Good!

But this first line of the help for ingestion is the best...and I quote, "Don't be alarmed if your child's lips and tongue glow for a few minutes."  Since I now know it's low in toxicity...I HAVE A NEW PARTY TRICK!

Night Became Morning Too Quickly!

Son has been hit hard by this cold that has invaded my home.  Last night, I thought I was going to get to bed around 11:30ish and I was excited.  And I was wrong.  I laid Son down in his bed and he was so congested it sounded like he was choking, he coughs and starts crying.  Downstairs I head with Son and into the bathroom.  I get the shower going super hot to sit there in the steam with him.  That helps some and is followed by multiple uses of both Baby Ayr and a boogie picker.  Finally, at 2a.m., he's breathing well enough to fall asleep without the choking sound.  Him has been snoring for an hour now, lucky bastard!

At 4a.m. I wake up to Daughter hacking a lung out and trying desperately to choke out, "Mommy!".  I head into her room and bring her downstairs.  I get her to down some cough syrup and she wants to snuggle.  I snuggle her for a while and then put her back to bed at 4:30a.m.  I go back to my bed.  Again, Him snored straight through this. Lucky Bastard!

At 6:30a.m. Son is screaming for a diaper change and food.  I roll over and tell Him, "Your turn." He says, "'s 6 :30, I gotta go to work..."  DAMNIT!  LUCKY BASTARD!  So Him DOES change Son's diaper and I feed him.  Son is again so congested he can hardly eat so he's really pissed now.  Steam, Baby Ayr, boogie picker...finally clear enough to eat and I get him to sleep again around 8a.m.

I crawl back into bed thinking maybe, JUST maybe, I can get a little more sleep.  HA HA HA!  I'M HILARIOUS!

8:10a.m. Daughter wanders into my room with her face and front of her sleep shirt covered in blood.  "WHAT THE HELL?" comes out of my mouth and I jump from my bed.  Turns out Daughter had a bloody nose, thought it was just snot and tried to wipe it away.  Now blood is all over her face, the backs of her hands, her sleep shirt and her sheets.  OH YAY!  Wipe off her face and hands, change her clothes, put the sheets in the washer.  Well, now we're both up so say "HELLO!" to morning.

Night became morning too quickly and there was only enough elixir of the Gods (COFFEE!) for a half a pot.  My bed is such a nice bed and sleep is such a beautiful thing and I plan to revisit both of them soon.  For now they live as a fond memory in the forefront of my thoughts!

September 19, 2012

All Toddlers Have A.D.D.

Daughter is still feeling a little sick, so this morning when she asked me if she could watch "Lilo & Stitch", I gladly switch it on with the belief that it's going to be a lazy Disney and snuggle while sipping warm Jello day.  Man, was I ever proved wrong!

In the course of one hour of the movie being on, Daughter had built a fort, played in her kitchen, ran around the house forty times looking for her bathrobe and built herself a nest on the couch.  Thinking that I was watching the movie by myself, I switched to some news.  BAD DECISION!  Instantly, I was hit with a hail storm of, "Mom, why'd you shut that off!?! I was watching that!  Turn "Lilo & Stitch" back on! Yelling makes my throat hurt!"

A blade of grass dancing in the wind distracts Daughter from food when her stomach is growling!  Seriously!  She asked for a peanut butter sandwich, a banana and some chips for lunch the other day.  I thought that was a decent lunch so I got it for her, I sat her down at the dining room table and actually had to sit there with her saying, "Take a bite...chew the bite in your mouth...swallow the food in your mouth..."  I thought this should go without saying!  But there were distractions.  The dog kept walking by and then the cats and the tree outside the window was swaying in the wind and conversation about "Did you know that other moms work?" and "Mama did you know that you used to go to work?" and "When will I be able to swim under water?" and "Can we go to Grandmama's house today?"...seriously!  You're hungry! EAT!

I wish I had her energy and I wish she could focus on one thing at a time and I don't think either wish will come true any time soon!

September 18, 2012

I Confess...I Envy The Working Mom!

Any and every mom belongs to one of these two groups...stay-at-home mom or working mom.  There's a war waging every day between these two groups of moms.  The working mom makes comments about how the stay-at-home mom has it so easy and has given her own identity up to her children.  Meanwhile, the stay-at-home mom makes comments about how the working mom puts her children on a back burner for her career.

I have personally viewed life from both groups.  I remember when I was a working mom thinking about how nice it would be just sit at home with my little girl and never miss a single one of her milestones.  I now look at the working mom and think how nice it would be to get away and have the chance to MISS my children and maybe even have my children miss ME!

I think that's the whole war...each group secretly envies the other.

I love my children dearly and truly value my time with them.  Still, I'm more than willing to admit my time with the "Sanity Squad" really does save my sanity cuz just about the time that I'm going to lock Daughter in her room and put Son in his crib, shut the door to the upstairs, grab a beer, a cigarette and turn the monitor off...I get a mama's night out.  If every so often I HAD to leave the house...I might start not WANTING to leave the house so much.

September 17, 2012

I Do Not Make This Look Easy

I have some of those mom friends that just make it look easy.  They are the ones that, even with a household of sickies, have a cute outfit on, every hair is in place and their makeup is done in such a way that they look natural and like they got a full night's sleep.  I am NOT that mom.

Today, I knew Daughter was sick as of yesterday and figured I would be greeted by a sick child again this morning. What I was unaware of is that I would wake up with a sore throat that would quickly grow into fever, a hacking cough and a stuffed up nose.  Knowing I have to do mommy-duty anyway, Alka-Seltzer Plus, multivitamin and Zicam were all employed as soon as I was awake and downed with coffee.

Son woke up first.  After the first diaper change, I knew I was in for two sick kids.  I was just overjoyed at the prospect of taking care of two sick kids while sick myself.

I sit here now with Him reading bedtime stories to Daughter upstairs, Son asleep and me...oh I'm quite a sight!  I'm still in my PJ's from last night and now they have snot, spit up and vapor rub grease stains on them.  My hair is in a half ponytail/half bun thing with strands escaping everywhere.  My make up?  What make up?  This red, glassy eyed, rudolph-nose look has come about naturally.

September 16, 2012

Temporary Insanity

Every mother has been there.  You're on the way out the door to do some grocery shopping, you didn't get the chance to do your makeup perfectly or your hair and on the way out the door your infant spits up on the shoulder of your black T-shirt and instead of running inside to change, you said, "Oh well, so it's obvious I'm a mom of an infant."  While at the grocery store, your three year old daughter starts whining about the stupid toy she saw on the end aisle cap that you told her she couldn't get because you really were there to get groceries and that dumb toy would break in a matter of 5 minutes, your infant son starts screaming cuz he was trying to sleep but his sister's ear-piercing whiny screams woke him up and you see "the looks".

"The Looks", some women looking at you with sympathy cuz they've been there, done that and other women, you know they're the ones that either don't have kids or have the one 2 week old that still sleeps through a construction site and they haven't had the pleasure of trying to get anything done when their kids aren't sleeping through it that give you the "I can't believe you let your children act like that" look.  Then, you have this embarrassed moment when the little old lady comes by and says, "I think someone needs a nap..."

Quickly you get over the embarrassed moment and think, yeah, someone does need a nap....ME!  I NEED A NAP!  And I don't LET my children act this way, I didn't raise them to scream and throw tantrums but guess what!?!  They are not robots that I can program to work exactly like I want them to and when they have breakdowns I'm so sorry that sometimes it happens at inopportune times for YOU! Cuz it's always such a pleasure for ME!  I didn't tell them, "Thanks for behaving yourselves at home now we're going to the grocery store and I really want you to annoy the hell out of everyone there! GO!"

And then the tired out of your mind moment comes on when you think, I might be able to get away with assaulting these women due to temporary insanity.