March 6, 2013

For Sanities' Sake

I may be late to the party but I have finally realized something.  I'm a people pleaser, when it comes to my family at least, and do to that fact...I'm slowly going crazy!

I spend my whole day watching Disney and Nick, listening to children's CDs, finding things for my kids to do.  Then Him comes home and don't get me wrong he does help but I still feel like it's my job cuz I'm a stay-at-home mom.  If I want a shower, I make sure no one else needs the bathroom, no laundry needs to be done and the dishwasher doesn't need to be run, sometimes going way longer than hygiene says between showering.  I want to do laundry, I make sure everything else is OK before I take 5 minutes in the basement.  I want to go outside, I ask Him if it's OK.  Yep, I've heard it said that a stay-at-home mom's job is never done and we don't get paid time off or sick days and our job follows no clock.  So, 24/7, a stay-at-home mom is a "beck-and-call" kinda chick.

I have a confession...I'm a terrible 24/7 person!  No matter what the job is.  If I was on call for giving happy people more reasons to be happy I'd still be pissed that I never got a scheduled break and my overload of happy would turn into throwing things at happy people that I would then despise!  Yes, I adore my children. No, I can't be just "Mom" 24/7!  I was someone before they came along and I should still get to be that person every once in a while!  You're supposed to ADD things to who you are, not replace who you were...unless you really are that chick that lives through her children and enjoys that then by all means, come babysit for me!

This being said, my "Sanity Squad" times are very valuable to me but they seem too few and far between.  I know before Son was born Him and I had an agreement that every Friday when he got home from work, I was off the clock til bedtime.  Once Son was born that went out the window.  Even "Sanity Squad" time has been cut due to lack of funds.  (Apparently me quitting my job meant less money coming in...who knew?)  So now, my sanity is wrapped into hoping that I can talk both kids into a nap at the same time and I could actually watch one of my shows, listen to my own music or JUST SIT IN ONE PLACE WITHOUT BEING ORDERED ABOUT!

About 2 weeks ago, A. wanted to go out to a bar to see a band we all love.  I asked Him if I could go out.  OK, both kids had been sick all week long.  Him never took a day off to help, not that I expected him to.  But when I asked if I could join A., he said, "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't leave me home alone with both kids sick..."  REALLY?  I spent 5 days this week from when they woke up til when you came home with both sick kids all alone...but one night you can't handle?  OK I want you to know that when I finally lose it and take a month long court ordered "vacation" hugging myself in a padded'll have the kids all to yourself.  Or plan B, let me go out for a night with A., get a few drinks, talk to adults and keep my mind at least as intact as it currently is?  Your choice babe!

I am a worse mom when forced to not let any other portion of my personality come out to play.  I know other moms that have a weekly ritual day off.  Whether it be yoga, dinner with a friend or locking yourself in your bedroom and reading a's "not Mom" time.

Right now with Daughter going through some toddler right of passage where she is determined to challenge everything I say and Son believing that when he is awake I am his personal jungle gym and when he is asleep I am his personal pillow, I NEED "not Mom" time!  Daughter needs to miss me and Son needs to realize he can do things WITHOUT me!  More importantly, I need to miss Daughter and I need do things without Son.

My birthday is coming up and Him was talking about what to get me and I seriously answered, "A night with the girls."  He was all like yeah, that's what I want for you to be gone on your birthday.  Well, I will gladly spend my birthDAY with my family, but how about for my birthday weekend, I go whip up some J.A.ckassery and go out and remember why I decided to get married and have kids...lemme see those girls that are the me before you and while having fun actually look forward to walking back in that door and seeing the ones I love snoring with a smile on my face and whiskey on my breath.  For sanities' sake, I throw the handcuffs across the sky in lights and dear Him...I hope you see them!

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