Him has tried repeatedly to get Son to fall asleep on his chest. For whatever reason, Son is not a big fan of this. Him has decided it is due to his lack of "pillows".
Before I relay this conversation you need to know that I have often told Him that he has to tell me if I get fat. Fluffy is OK but I don't want to be 'lose a twinkie in my fat rolls' fat and have my husband tell me he still thinks I'm gorgeous. I have also told Him that if I do ever get fat he better still love me to which he has always replies, "I'll still love you, I just won't grab your ass as often."
So now...conversation time!
Him is rocking Son and trying to get him to fall asleep as I am in the bathroom trying to get Daughter ready to leave the house. Him says to Son, "I'm sorry I don't have nice pillows like your mama does but you're tired so just fall asleep." Loud whispering voice, "By the way...I think you're the only one that has a problem with me not having pillows."
I laugh and say, "I'm pretty sure if you did have pillows we wouldn't have to worry if Son liked pillows or not!"
Him, "I'm not saying like I'd be a woman...I'm saying man boobs."
Me, "Yeah, I know! I wasn't thinking lesbianism stuff here babe, I was thinking if you had man boobs, Son would probably not exist."
Him's all defensive now! "OH SO WAIT A MINUTE! I have to tell you if you get fat but I better still love you but if I get man boobs we're done?"
Me, "You tell me you wouldn't grab my ass as often, I'm sorry but I don't really want to play with boobs! That's part of the reason we're together sweet stuff and I'm not with some chick...I like men."
Him, "I'd let you motorboat me!"
"OK and more of a reason you can't have man boobs! I see it now, you'd wear V-necks just to show em off!" Hysterical laughter from me!
"I'm still back on the you wouldn't love me if I had man boobs..."
"I didn't say that. I would still love you. We just wouldn't be having sex therefore Son wouldn't exist and you wouldn't have to worry about whether or not he falls asleep against your chest. We'd have a very loving, sexless relationship! Instead of the soup nazi I'd be the sex nazi 'NO SEX FOR YOU!'" Snorting laughter, (yes, I snort!) then I add, "Now all I can picture is the Will Ferrell scene at the end of Dodgeball with that Milkshake song!"
Him, "So, we'd have a loving yet sexless relationship, huh?"
I came out of the bathroom to look at Him as I said this with a huge mischievous grin, "Yeah, you're right...if we didn't have sex we'd be divorced!" I duck back in the bathroom as Him smiles...
Now, I dare you to try this. If you have a male significant other in your life that is rather fit, imagine him with man boobs singing the Milkshake song and making his man boobs dance about...now tell me you didn't snort your drink up into your nose!?!? If you didn't...either you're not drinking or your imagination is not as fun as mine! (If you have a female significant other you may imagine this scenario also but I highly doubt it turns out as funny...just sayin'!)
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