I brought Daughter and Son to the park. And that is when the fight almost happened. Background is probably needed here.
OK, so I am a full time mama. I have brought up my "Sanity Squad" many times. If you are a mom, truth is you need a good group of friends that you can be completely honest with when you're having those moments where you are wondering if running away could truly be an option, those moments where you are thinking you could really understand throwing your child out the window, those moments where you're thinking how did you end up here, those moments when you wish you could go back in time and change it all. Cuz, sorry to say it, but if you're honest as a mom, you've thought every single one of those things even if you never said them out loud. If this group of friends is a good group of friends they will tell you they've been there too, tell you you don't want to do that, remind you of all the amazing times you really enjoyed with your kids and follow it all with a shot of tequila before heading onto the dance floor to dance like you were single and childless again.
Here's a secret about me...I'm a better mom when I get the chance to not be mom every once in a while. I get to blow off steam and have adult time. I'm able to go out and remember why I chose to get married and have kids and when I get home, seeing those people that I choose to slow down for puts a huge, if slightly crooked, smile on my face.
Yep, time with my "Sanity Squad" usually includes a night out at the bar listening to a band that we all know the members of and shaking our butts on the dance floor. The night usually ends with hugs all around, we all find safe rides to our homes and we check in on our children to smile at their sleeping beauty and crawl into bed with our amazing husbands that we remember again why we married in the first place. Sounds pretty benign to me...
I ran into a mom at the park that apparently disagreed with me.
So I'm happily watching my kids play. They're running after each other giggling and trying to injure themselves on every contraption available at the playground. There are always other mothers there. Some are in groups talking, some are staring at their phones, some are running right beside their children. I'm standing near my children watching to make sure Daughter doesn't talk Son into doing something he can't quite get himself out of when a mother clutching a coffee cup in her hands saddles up next to me. I kinda give her a sideways glance cuz I don't recognize her and I'm not the mom that makes new friends over the playground equipment. She stands there for a while before turning to me and saying, "Hi."
The following is the conversation...
Coffee Clutching Mom: "Hi."
Me: "Hello." more as a question, looking at her a little awkwardly.
CCM: "I think I saw you at the bar a couple weekends ago..."
Me: "MmmmKay." awkward sideways glance still in place with cocked eyebrow.
CCM: "I think you were pretty friendly with the band..."
Me: "Hmmm...possible..."
CCM: "The way you were acting I would have guessed you were single with no children..." in a questioning tone.
Me: "Nope...married with 2 kids..." now my mouth is set in a line and my arms are crossed. Ready for the inquisition.
CCM: "How did you feel that next morning?" trying to hide a giggling undertone.
Me: Turned toward her with a forced smile, through gritted teeth, "Perfectly fine. Why do you ask?"
CCM: With a sweet, evil grin and a holier than thou tone, "I was just thinking I couldn't do that and then play mommy the next morning..."
Me: With eyelashes fluttering and a returned sweet, evil grin, "Yeah well, sorry."
I walked away, toward Daughter and Son, grinning ear to ear and they came running to me with smiles shining.
I have grown up. The old me would have kept going and the inevitable verbal altercation would have possibly even ended with me decking CCM so hurray for me. Yet, I'm writing now to vent.
I do go out. I do flirt with band members. I do drink. I do dance like a stripper. I do forget for 4-6 hours every month or 2 about all the rules of being the "perfect mom". I do act inappropriately, get loud, do things I wouldn't want my children to see me doing. I am still someone without my children. I still have an identity other than "Mom"! And yes, I am sorry...I am sorry that becoming a mom made the rest of your personality disappear.
So here you go CCM...yep, it was me you saw shaking my butt on the dance floor, doing a shot of tequila followed by a shot of whiskey. It was me you saw kiss the neck of the lead singer and grab the butt of the guitar player. If you must know, the lead singer's girlfriend is part of my "Sanity Squad" and was sitting right next to me encouraging me to let her man take a shot of tequila from between my boobs. And that guitar player's girlfriend, she saw me grab his butt and giggled from the seat on the other side of me. My family knows all those people too. That lead singer and his girlfriend, A., have babysat my children. A. cuts my family's hair. That guitar player showed Daughter his guitar when she was 1 year old. That guitar player's girlfriend visited me in the hospital when I had Daughter. All those people knew me before I was a mom and all those people know me as a mom.
Now, even that doesn't really matter. What really matters is I am still me. I have different parts of my personality. If becoming a mom made you JUST a mom...I really do feel sorry for you. But yet, you were at the bar when I was so did you go just to sit there? Were you worried what people might think of the perfect mom letting her hair down? Or were you clutching a coffee cup at the bar too?
I was able to wake up fine the next morning. In fact, that next morning, I got up with Daughter and took her on a Mommy/Daughter date to breakfast and let Him and Son sleep in. When we got home from breakfast, as a family, we spent time in the backyard playing and when Son went down for a nap, Daughter and I built an awesome sheet fort in the backyard.
So, look at that. I was crazy acting single, drinking double girl at night and "perfect mom" in the morning. Neither one is my secret identity. I'm very open about who I am. My wine is on my kitchen counter in plain view, my growler of IPA is right there when you open my fridge and my Jack is sitting in the freezer. If you want to bring over your coffee cup, I'll fill it with whiskey for you and you can possibly figure out that there is more to you than just "mom" too!
Next time you see me out at the bar, don't sit there clutching your coffee cup and staring on with disapproval. Call your husband, tell him you're coming home late and come have some fun! You too are allowed to forget about being the "perfect mom". If you really feel a need to keep it a secret you can even just clutch your coffee cup at the park the next day and nod at me in recognition. I'll be "that mom" holding the coffee cup that says, "there's a good chance this is whiskey" and you can be the "perfect mom" with a secret identity but please, stop with the thinking you're shaming me. I like who I am and so does my family.
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