October 2, 2012

"Sanity Squad" Signal

I want a "Sanity Squad" Signal.  Like the Bat Signal only better.  It will shoot out a beam of light letting J and A know that I need them to come over, kidnap me, have Jack and beer handy and a plan of totally un-mommy outings of debauchery at the ready.

I will have to really think about how to design that though cuz the Bat Signal has a bat.  A signal that just had "Sanity Squad" written out would be too boring.  Maybe handcuffs shooting across the sky in lighted glory would be fitting.  "Handcuffed at home!  Come kidnap me!"  Take that Mr. Grey, I don't hide mine in a red room of shame...I shoot 'em across the sky IN LIGHTS!

If I had said signal, it would be used tonight!

Checklist for the approved use of the "Sanity Squad" Signal:

  1. Not enough sleep for me, Daughter or Son: I'm guessing Daughter used to wake up a lot during the night but she would roll over, find binka and go back to sleep so, if you've been keeping up with my posts, you know she no longer finds binka when she rolls over.  Last night she would wake up, not find binka and start whining. I'd go comfort her and then walk straight into Son's room cuz now he needed to be calmed from being woke up by Daughter's whining.  About every half hour, press repeat.  Not enough sleep? CHECK!
  2. Daughter pushing buttons:  I tell her not to yell...two seconds pass...yelling.  I tell her to eat and I hate it when she breaks food into minuscule pieces supposedly to make it easier to eat only to leave almost all of her food still on her plate and now inedible dust so...what does she do?  HA, you got it!  I say don't try to sit on your ball...not only does she try to sit on her ball, she falls, bashes her face into the floor and without taking the chance to cry, cuz I know it hurt, springs up and says, "I did what you told me not to!" with a defiant smirk.  Pushing Buttons? CHECK!
  3. Son doesn't get his morning nap: Son normally takes his morning nap around the time that I get Daughter lunch.  If Son doesn't get his morning nap, there's little hope for the rest of the day.  I bring Son upstairs, put him in bed, turn on the monitor, tell Daughter that it's lunchtime and then nap-time.  Screaming Daughter says, "I DON'T WANT TO TAKE A NAP!  IF I DON'T EAT LUNCH IT'S NOT NAP-TIME!  I DON'T WANT LUNCH!"  Good deductive reasoning daughter o' mine and yet...WRONG!  But the screaming woke Son up.  No morning nap for Son? CHECK!
  4. Daughter fights nap: Now I have an overtired Son that is screaming.  I calm him down enough to read Daughter stories.  Son and I head downstairs so his screaming won't keep Daughter up.  Silly me!  I thought she'd actually try to take a nap!  No she shouts and whines and screams about never getting what she wants cuz I didn't make her lunch.  Remember that part where she yelled at me that she didn't want lunch..yeah, me too!  When I get up to her room and remind her of that, she decides she needs to pee...no, she needs a drink...no, a teddy bear to cuddle...no, her blanket (that she kicked off) back on.  Stalling and fighting nap? CHECK!
  5. Trying to sooth Son out of screaming cuz he hasn't been allowed to sleep:  Think about it...how pissed are you when someone continually wakes you up when you just wanna sleep?  I say from experience...PLENTY!  So Son and I cuddle, him screaming at the top of his lungs, little face crimson red, for a good 45 mins until, due to pure exhaustion, he passes out in mid-scream.  Son screaming?  CHECK!
  6. Daughter only takes a 30 minute nap after a full hour of screaming: SERIOUSLY!?!? CHECK!
  7. Then bring back the button pushing...CHECK!  And the whining (cuz she didn't need a nap at all!)...CHECK!
And now that the day's checklist has been met and the day isn't even over...if you see a big pair of handcuffs lighting up the night sky...it means IT'S MAMA'S NIGHT OUT!

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